goodnight i made you a song goodbye
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
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