She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
