Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
