Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
