I heard we made out
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
