my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
