Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
