Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
