I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
