I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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