I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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