Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
