I didn't shave. On purpose
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
