dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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