you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
