dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
