Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I had to cum in my sink.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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