Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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