I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize