I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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