walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
