Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
