I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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