just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
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