Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
