i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize