i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
