I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
