I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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