Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
