Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
