how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
