How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
