I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
