Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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