so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I am mentally ready for anal.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
