I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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