as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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