from now on my penis is your penis
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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