actually, I'm a sock model
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
