Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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