hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
