i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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