i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
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