Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
