we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
