I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
