My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
