My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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