I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
jump out the window naked night went bad
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
