I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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