We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
