I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
