i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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