thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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