I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
