I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I wanna passion pit in your ass
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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