ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
