I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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