he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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