I'm going to jail i love you
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
