last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Is her dick bigger than yours?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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