Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
