Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
