I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
