So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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