Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Let's paint friendship bongs
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
