my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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