Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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