Only a mothe r could love this liver
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Randomize
