You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
