So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
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