you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
