I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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