I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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