I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
