So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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